Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates

My brother and I are looking for wedding dates for our cousin's wedding. We've been told by the bride that bringing dates is "mandatory" so we "won't harass all of my friends all night" and "stay under control." Rather than ask some fringe women in our lives to go and face the inevitable 'does this mean he want to take it to the next level?!' questions, we'd rather bring complete strangers and just figure it out...We're both in our 20s, single, dashingly tall, Anglo-Saxon, respectfully athletic, love to party, completely house trained...love our mother, have seen Love Actually several times...raw, emotional, sensitive, but still bad boys...You should be attractive or our aunts will judge you, but not TOO attractive or one of our uncles might grope you. Dave and Mike Stangle thought nothing of it when they boozily decided to turn to the "activity partners" section of Craigslist to solicit dates to their cousin's wedding. The hilarious, out-of-this-world ad that they came up with-featuring a picture of the two brothers as centaurs-immediately went viral. The Stangle brothers bring their trademark, off-colour humour to everything from their most embarrassing adolescent experiences (like getting beat up by a girl on their front lawn...in front of their dad), to the most outrageous predicaments (like tripping on mushrooms with their bulldog, Frank), to proper sexting etiquette, and finally to breaking up a midget bar fight (you have to shoo them away).