Before God, There Was Nothing.

Before time. Before space. Before the first awkward silence...

There was Nothing.

And Nothing was having a bad day.

I need to be precise: Nothing is not a lonely figure floating in an empty universe. There is no universe. No void. No clock. Not even a proper "before."

Yet, for reasons that are narratively inconvenient, Nothing wants someone to talk to.

A modest request-except conversation requires at least two participants, language, and something resembling existence.

Across three not-moments-the Unwhen, the Almostwhen, and the Neverwhen-I guide you through a philosophical absurdity where thoughts are only almost-thoughts, friendships cannot be arranged, plans become impossibly complicated, and a bureaucratic department exists only because I put it on the page.

This is not a conventional origin story. Nothing cannot perform experiments, create objects, or set physical events in motion before reality begins. I simply take a contradiction and see how far it can go.

A surreal, deadpan cosmic comedy and a companion prequel to The Before God Bible: 10,000 B.G., for anyone who enjoys philosophical absurdism, impossible logic, and jokes that refuse to exist.

Please read carefully.

Nothing depends on it.